Mama says: Snow Pants

My wheel-chair bound mom & I had to venture out in the Northeast Ohio blizzard to get her to the doctor. Fun adventures involving a folding transport wheelchair, an 85-yr-old sight impaired stroke victim wearing a surgical mask to keep her coughing cooties from others & cold air out, tennis shoes and 2 feet of snow. Suffice it to say, it was Keystone Cops trying to get her in and out of the car mid thundering snow – much of which blew into the car. And the drive back home was slow, treacherous and involved a few whispered cuss words and quiet hyperventilating by me.

“Honey, I need to change my pants,” Mom said when we arrived home safe and sound. “Don’t get me wrong. It’s not because of your driving,” she assured me then with a dramatic pause, “I think I sat on a snow mound.”

Mama Says: K I S S I N G

Saturday I was helping my mom get gussied up for a family celebration: I poofed out her beauty parlor ‘do, added some rouge on her cheeks, and applied some pink lipstick. “Geez, Mom,” I joked. “I thought I had thin lips. You have NO lips. I don’t have anywhere to put the lipstick.”

She smacked her lipsticked lips together, reached for my arm and proclaimed, “Listen honey, 54 years and your father never had one complaint about kissing these thin lips!”

Mama says…

Helping my 85-year-old mom with a shower today, I was using one of those spa sponges, the kind on a stick, to scrub her back.   

 “I feel like I’m washing my car,” I joke.

 Mom looks up at me and deadpans: “same size?”